After all, they are just jealous.
If I were to tell anyone what I’m writing about out loud, then I know they would look at me as if I am stupid. Even a year after I started my ‘hobby’ people still make fun of me.
This takes me back to January 28th 2010, the day I had discovered a girl on Youtube, making videos about her hair, beauty, fashion and everything a girl needs. I felt as if I could relate to her; she really helped me with new hairstyles and make-up tips. I was absolutely inspired by her, I somewhat had decided to make my own channel on Youtube. Anyway, I started to make videos on my laptop that I got for Christmas 2009. Initially the quality was quite bad but I started to believe that people could relate to me when I started gaining subscribers, or “hits”.
YouTube made me feel as if I could do more and no-one would care. Unfortunately I was wrong!
A girl in my class had found me on YouTube. However, it was not just any girl; it had to be the most popular girl. She told all of her friends and I felt humiliated inside. When they asked me, I felt so alone and when I told them about the site I was extremely shy and nervous.
A few weeks later they brought it up again, and very soon it became a real ordeal. It became a bullying issue. I used to dread going to school, especially after I had uploaded a new video to my channel. Events took as a on familiar routine: I would go home and cry to myself. I told my mum sometimes but she always told me the same things as all mums do, ‘she’s just jealous, they’re all jealous.’ However of course, that never solved anything. Eventually after another horrible day at school I ran home in tears, turned my laptop on and signed onto my Youtube. “Delete all?” my laptop asked, after I clicked ‘OK’ I felt an enormous sense of relief, as if a burden had been lifted. However, almost immediately, this was replaced by a wave of regret.
I suddenly became extremely bored, and every time I watched videos on YouTube I thought ‘I want to do that!’ but I always stopped myself.
One lazy Sunday just before the summer holidays, I stumbled across one of “Megan’s” videos, she is the girl who initially inspired me, it wasn’t one of her regular beauty videos; rather, it was a video named ‘Mean Girls’. She talked about why she got bullied and why she deleted her whole YouTube channel.
That reminded me of what I had done except I still had my channel and my 16 subscribers.
So during the Summer of 2010, I started to make more beauty videos. ‘Meganheartsmakeup’ had inspired me to do so.
By August I was back at school for my 3rd year, I decided to hold a contest for my 280 subscribers. As my contest was going on, a boy in my year decided to get his friends involved to call me ‘cheap’. He was saying that my prizes were “cheap” and “crap”. He would start teasing me when I was anywhere near him: in the classroom, the corridors even outside of school. I was extremely annoyed at him, because everything had died down and he started it up again.
One time I felt really strong, so I screamed at him,
“Enough is enough! I’m so sick of you doing this to me! If you can afford expensive make-up then go out and buy yourself some spot cream!” He just shut his mouth and continued on with his work.
I felt as if I could do anything at that moment. I could fly, walk through walls, choose the lottery numbers and win. That day was the best day of my third year.
People still ask me about my YouTube channel, and although I do get shivers I reply with confidence. I now have just over 700 subscribers and it’s my first year anniversary since I started YouTube. I am not celebrating the time when I got back on track (during the summer) I am celebrating January 28th, the day when I had the confidence to put myself out onto the internet.
To be hated or loved, after all... they are just jealous!
lynsieproductions
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